


derail the mind of me

by newlifemoriarty



Series: hands that shake [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6360742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newlifemoriarty/pseuds/newlifemoriarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kashaw is surprised by the state he finds Vax in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	derail the mind of me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Girl Wonder (sophialoving)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophialoving/gifts).



> So I wanted to write some more anxiety!vax and Girl Wonder requested some Kashaw for her birthday, so this happened.

Kashaw had to admit, this was pretty much the last thing he had expected to see when he stepped into Vax's room. 

Vox Machina and all their allies were gathering in the council chambers for a meeting to discuss their plan of action against the Chroma Conclave. Kashaw had been sent to gather the stragglers and his last stop had been Vax'ildan's room. While he had expected to find the half elf moping or sharpening his daggers or doing something along those lines, he had not expected to find him curled up on his bed, shaking with violent, full body sobs. Kashaw stood dumbfounded in the doorway, completely lost. Part of him wondered if this was some clever prank being pulled on him, probably orchestrated by Scanlan. However the longer he looked on, he realised how genuine Vax's sobs were. The half elf hadn't even noticed him come in. Kashaw considered turning around and leaving Vax to whatever it was he was doing. But a part of him, the part that had been raised to heal and bring life, could tell that something was genuinely wrong. That part of him forced him to take a few steps inside the room, closing the door behind him.

The click of the door handle must have been enough to stir Vax because when Kashaw turned to face him again, he was staring right back at him, his face a mix of shock, confusion and embarrassment.  
"Um..." Kashaw figured he should probably say something, but that was the most he could manage. Vax, tears still running down his face, gave something that sounded halfway between a chuckle and another sob.  
"Of course it's you," he said, raising his hands to rub his face. As he did, Kashaw saw how violently they were shaking.  
"We're, um... The meeting?" Kashaw tried again, this time managing to almost string together a sentence. Vax looked up at him, confused.  
"What?" He asked, then realisation dawned on his face, "Oh right, that was today. Tell them I'll be there in a bit." He gave Kashaw a dismissive wave and Kashaw knew that was his opportunity to leave, but something made him stay.  
"Are you alright?" This time Vax actually did laugh, which only confused Kashaw further.  
"Do I look alright to you?" he asked. Kashaw folded his arms and shrugged.  
"Not particularly, no," he replied, his antagonistic tone even surprising himself slightly. Vax, hands now tucked under himself in an attempt to quell the shakes, raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Then why did you ask?" He challenged. Kashaw shrugged again. Vax looked him over quizzically. When he realised the cleric wasn't leaving any time soon, he sighed heavily.  
"It was just a panic attack," he said, still cringing internally at those words. That caught Kashaw off guard a touch. He had seen the man face down a Rakshasa and a Beholder and barely blink, yet here he was treating panic attacks like an every day occurrence. His surprise must have shown on his face because Vax scoffed.  
"You must think I'm pathetic," he said, his voice suddenly losing its bravado.  
"No," Kashaw replied swiftly, even surprising himself with his candour, "quite the opposite actually." Vax looked up at him, confused. Kashaw shrugged.  
"The things you've gone through, the responsibility you put on yourself, everything you've done, it's impressive that you're even still alive. So you have panic attacks? Doesn't make you weak, certainly doesn't make you pathetic. If anything it makes you stronger, because it's another struggle you overcome every day." He could see Vax thinking over what he said.  
"You really mean that?" Vax asked.  
"Well I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't meant it," Kashaw replied. Vax gave a small chuckle a shook his head. He then rubbed his face before balling his hands into fists a few times, the shaking having eased significantly. Finally he stood and gestured to the door.  
"Well I suppose we better get to this meeting then," he said and Kashaw nodded.


End file.
